The Death of Something Good

So I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. I used to be a very religious person. Church every Sunday, prayers every night, never use His name in vain and all that jazz. I remember my faith pulling me through situations I never thought I could handle alone. I also remember what it felt like to lose that faith.

Eventually, I met some Wiccan friends. They made no attempt to dissuade me from my faith (in fact, after some research I concluded that Wicca and Christianity are not mutually exclusive, per the original translations of the Bible), but it was at that point that I began to ask questions. When it came to the gay thing, I somehow just isolated that issue, and didn't think about it too much. I said that somehow the anti-gay sentiments of the Bible had to be misinterpreted, because I had personally met a gay person (my now-deceased Uncle, who was a very nice guy) and seen that there was no inherent evil in them. But for some reason, on this occasion, I couldn't just dodge the question like I had before. The bible stated that "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live," but it was plain to see that there was no particular reason for me to hate these people, much less kill them.

So I researched. I plugged that verse into google and for hours I looked for a way to understand it. What I found was the beginning of the end of my faith. The word "witch" was, at best, a loose translation. The original Hebrew word had a number of potential interpretations into English, including "poisoner," "one who spreads discord through lies," and "one who uses magic to hurt people." Out of 8 possible translations, that last one was the closest thing to "witch." And yet based on this translations, people had been tried and murdered.

What bothered me here was that during that time, people who were doing their best to obey God had been led by the Bible to commit horrendous acts. The Bible, and all the people whose job it was to interpret it correctly, had lied to them. This was not like the revelation that Santa Claus wasn't really bringing presents down the chimney. I had based my life around this for more than a decade. Living by the code of God had been a primary objective, and a huge source of joy and comfort, for most of my adolescence. It was like having my heart pulled out. I felt all the comfort and confidence I once held slipping away, and I just couldn't hold onto it. I would try and pray, and I just wouldn't feel anyone there anymore.

Imagine finding out that your dearest and closest friend was never really your friend. That the relationship you thought you had with him or her had been a lie, and you could never rely on them again. It was perhaps the single most horrific experience of my life.

I bring this up in response to a judgment by the California Supreme Court to uphold Proposition 8. The religious right is dancing in the streets, and across both the state and the country, innocent people right now feel very alone and very, very frightened. Angry too, I would expect. Given that God is supposed to be an all-good being, I am flabbergasted that so many people can believe He wants them to cause this. Ignorance is no excuse when the damage you're causing is real, and especially not when so many are trying to educate you about it.

You see, it's like this. As the Christian population pushes harder and harder for an issue like this, it becomes the case that one can only call themselves a part of that group if they are either in support of this movement, or capable of remaining willfully ignorant of the impact is it having. Those who can neither ignore this issue nor abide by it ultimately cease to be a part of the faith. In other words, Christians are systematically divorcing themselves from a functional moral compass.

If somebody is intelligent enough to notice this matter, and has the moral sensibility to oppose it, they find themselves in the minority among their own faith. A few would try and retain that faith, and fight this notion, but judging from the relative silence of such groups (I know they exist, but they are not a large enough group that they are a really notable presence on the national stage) it is obvious that most just ultimately go through that painful process of losing faith in God. Conversely, there are many people with an instinctive desire to hate others, and they will be drawn to this movement. Many people who have an instinct to hate that otherwise might be silenced by guilt are being told that "hey, it's OK. Hate these people. It's not only OK, but it's the right thing to do. Don't, y'know, call it hate, but yeah, it's hate." Parents kick children out of the home and withdraw college money. Gay teens are four times as likely to commit suicide. Politicians are afraid to support them. And we as a society are, for the most part, simply allowing this situation.

The reality, or lack thereof, notwithstanding, it hurts me deeply to see that what I once saw as the greatest force for Good in the world is slowly being perverted into a force for something I cannot view as anything but evil.