Here is a link. Click and watch the brief trailer.
So a few years back, some friends and I gathered around a television set, poured ourselves an obscene amount of alcohol, and watched a DVD I had picked up earlier that day, titled Machine Girl. Machine Girl was about a Japanese schoolgirl who had her arm cut off, so she found a couple of kindly auto mechanics to build her a new one. Only instead of an arm, they gave her a giant machine gun.
It featured a ridiculous amount of violence and campy kung fu, all culminating in a fight with the wife of the mobster we thought would be the villain, whose breasts had been replaced with power drills. Machine Girl was a movie with no shame or remorse, and it was one of the finer B movies I've ever seen.
And now, the series' creator Noboru Iguchi has teamed up with special effects designer Yoshihiro Nishimura (whose cult hit Tokyo Gore Police reportedly used 4 tons of stage blood) to produce RoboGeisha.
Some movies are so bad and ridiculous that they come out on the other end of the spectrum and become sublime. With enough alcohol, this is exactly what Machine Girl did. After watching the RoboGeisha trailer, I fear that this movie may pull that exact stunt, and then keep going, crossing the spectrum to crappy all over again. All the same, I will expect everyone to gather around a television and watch this with me, because I am TOTALLY buying the DVD. Totally.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Zeno Clash
So for $10 today you can buy a game called Zeno Clash. I mentioned the demo a while back, and with this price cut, I went ahead and bought it.
The first thing I'll say is that most of what I said before about the combat stands. It's good, but not superb. What I didn't really get into before, because I somehow missed it during the demo, is that the artwork is some of the finest I've ever seen. It's delightfully surreal in a way I won't bother trying to explain. To offer just a few examples of how very bizarre this game is, I present the following three articles, which you will see if you play the game:
- A man wearing a tea kettle on his head
- An omniscient man-panther struggling to solve a Rubix Cube
- A blind assassin, who specializes in sharpshooting, riding atop a brontosaurus, throwing squirrels with parachutes and barrels of TNT tied to their backs.
In short: First person, fantasy punk, some shooting but mostly hand-to-hand brawling, REALLY good artwork.
The game is very short, clocking in at about 4 hours if you don't count all the little combat challenges you can do on the side. However, at $10, it's not a bad deal. You'll get about half an hour per dollar, and a lot more if you find you enjoy the gameplay and decide to take on the gauntlet sidequest thing.
If it's still Sunday and you're reading this, I strongly recommend downloading the free demo. Unless you absolutely loath the combat mechanic, then the game is worth the ten bucks just for the artwork.
The first thing I'll say is that most of what I said before about the combat stands. It's good, but not superb. What I didn't really get into before, because I somehow missed it during the demo, is that the artwork is some of the finest I've ever seen. It's delightfully surreal in a way I won't bother trying to explain. To offer just a few examples of how very bizarre this game is, I present the following three articles, which you will see if you play the game:
- A man wearing a tea kettle on his head
- An omniscient man-panther struggling to solve a Rubix Cube
- A blind assassin, who specializes in sharpshooting, riding atop a brontosaurus, throwing squirrels with parachutes and barrels of TNT tied to their backs.
In short: First person, fantasy punk, some shooting but mostly hand-to-hand brawling, REALLY good artwork.
The game is very short, clocking in at about 4 hours if you don't count all the little combat challenges you can do on the side. However, at $10, it's not a bad deal. You'll get about half an hour per dollar, and a lot more if you find you enjoy the gameplay and decide to take on the gauntlet sidequest thing.
If it's still Sunday and you're reading this, I strongly recommend downloading the free demo. Unless you absolutely loath the combat mechanic, then the game is worth the ten bucks just for the artwork.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
You Conduit! You Conduit all Night Long!
I deliberately ignored all the hype leading up to Conduit. Electing not to have my expectations colored by advertising campaigns, I preordered and bought the game on faith alone. My reaction so far has been mixed, but more positive than not.
The conduit is definitely something new. It plays at many times like a rail shooter, only without the rails. The aiming is absolutely spot-on. Your hand will eventually get tired of trying to be held steady in the air for so long, but that really goes for a lot of the Wii's better material. This is really Conduit's strong point- it's a first person shooter where you point the controller at the screen and shoot the bad guys. It's what we were expecting since we first heard about the Wii, and a game like this has been conspicuously absent up to this point. But better late than never, and High Velocity Software delivers the goods here.
The play control is about as good as it could possibly be. This is particularly aided by the single greatest effort I have ever seen committed towards giving the player control over the control. When you go into the options screen to edit the controls, it's no mere "pick your buttons and controller sensitivity," oh no. When you go to edit the controls, the game unpauses and starts playing again, and lets you edit all the various aspects of the game's play control while the game is running, allowing you to instantly see the results of your control scheme. When you're doing things like setting the sensitivity, the wii remote dead zone, and how far your character will crane his neck before he starts actually turning around, this is something that control freaks will definitely appreciate. It sounds minor and will be minor to many people, but it's a really nice effort and I applaud the designers for going that extra mile.
The gameplay and shooting mechanic flow like water, but only if you can ignore the rather bland graphics. We all knew that this was a Wii game and the graphics would suffer a downgrade, but I think this will turn some people off. Personally, I don't think that the graphics are bad enough to distract from the gameplay experience, but others may disagree. The screenshots more or less do the game justice, so if you want to know what it looks like go look at them. A solid effort is made to use coloration, artwork, and level design to compensate for the weak resolution, and I'll say that it works just fine for me.
Another problem along the same lines is that the Wii can't handle much in the way of a physics engine either. The environment is almost 100% static. If you've been spoiled by Havoc and Source physics, it bothers you when large explosions fail to so much as knock over a chair. Once again, this does not stop you from enjoying the game unless you let it, but it's a drawback all the same.
I confess that this is a first reaction and I am only a little more than halfway through the game, but far I have to say that I don't think any significant effort went into this story at all. The game begins with our faceless protagonist receiving a phone call from a man whose voice positively radiates malevolence. Mr. Ford, the FBI/special ops/soldier/agent person we assume control of, quickly confirms that since it knew the secret government handshake, this evil voice must be totally trustworthy, and he picks up his guns and heads to the airport where a supposed terrorist attack is under way. When security and FBI agents opened fire on me (as I walked into an airport carrying a 45 pistol and an MP5) the evil voice comes on again and informs me that the terrorists are apparently using some kind of mind control, and I have to kill the FBI agents. "Okey dokey" is the apparent reply from our protagonist, and so it's off to slaughter us some of DC's finest. The story devolves from that point into a mindless conspiracy-fest complete with at least two big secret shadow organizations, mind control gas, aliens, and more than a couple Xanatos Gambits all seemingly centered around a floating robot eye that can hack computers and translate graphiti. As a compelling and interesting story, I'd say it falters; As a campy little sci-fi romp, however, it entertains well enough and provides all the excuse I need to run around shooting people with laser guns.
I don't expect Conduit to set the world on fire, but it's done a couple of things really, really well, and it doesn't fail enough in any particular area to rob itself of it's due and proper. I don't regret buying it, and I recommend at least renting it if you own a Wii and you like shooters. You'll finish the main story quickly enough, and if you like the MP, you can decide if you want to buy it.
If you're waiting for that Magnum Opus that single-handedly vindicates buying the system three Novembers ago, however, this probably isn't it. But Red Steel 2 and Metroid:OM might be.
The conduit is definitely something new. It plays at many times like a rail shooter, only without the rails. The aiming is absolutely spot-on. Your hand will eventually get tired of trying to be held steady in the air for so long, but that really goes for a lot of the Wii's better material. This is really Conduit's strong point- it's a first person shooter where you point the controller at the screen and shoot the bad guys. It's what we were expecting since we first heard about the Wii, and a game like this has been conspicuously absent up to this point. But better late than never, and High Velocity Software delivers the goods here.
The play control is about as good as it could possibly be. This is particularly aided by the single greatest effort I have ever seen committed towards giving the player control over the control. When you go into the options screen to edit the controls, it's no mere "pick your buttons and controller sensitivity," oh no. When you go to edit the controls, the game unpauses and starts playing again, and lets you edit all the various aspects of the game's play control while the game is running, allowing you to instantly see the results of your control scheme. When you're doing things like setting the sensitivity, the wii remote dead zone, and how far your character will crane his neck before he starts actually turning around, this is something that control freaks will definitely appreciate. It sounds minor and will be minor to many people, but it's a really nice effort and I applaud the designers for going that extra mile.
The gameplay and shooting mechanic flow like water, but only if you can ignore the rather bland graphics. We all knew that this was a Wii game and the graphics would suffer a downgrade, but I think this will turn some people off. Personally, I don't think that the graphics are bad enough to distract from the gameplay experience, but others may disagree. The screenshots more or less do the game justice, so if you want to know what it looks like go look at them. A solid effort is made to use coloration, artwork, and level design to compensate for the weak resolution, and I'll say that it works just fine for me.
Another problem along the same lines is that the Wii can't handle much in the way of a physics engine either. The environment is almost 100% static. If you've been spoiled by Havoc and Source physics, it bothers you when large explosions fail to so much as knock over a chair. Once again, this does not stop you from enjoying the game unless you let it, but it's a drawback all the same.
I confess that this is a first reaction and I am only a little more than halfway through the game, but far I have to say that I don't think any significant effort went into this story at all. The game begins with our faceless protagonist receiving a phone call from a man whose voice positively radiates malevolence. Mr. Ford, the FBI/special ops/soldier/agent person we assume control of, quickly confirms that since it knew the secret government handshake, this evil voice must be totally trustworthy, and he picks up his guns and heads to the airport where a supposed terrorist attack is under way. When security and FBI agents opened fire on me (as I walked into an airport carrying a 45 pistol and an MP5) the evil voice comes on again and informs me that the terrorists are apparently using some kind of mind control, and I have to kill the FBI agents. "Okey dokey" is the apparent reply from our protagonist, and so it's off to slaughter us some of DC's finest. The story devolves from that point into a mindless conspiracy-fest complete with at least two big secret shadow organizations, mind control gas, aliens, and more than a couple Xanatos Gambits all seemingly centered around a floating robot eye that can hack computers and translate graphiti. As a compelling and interesting story, I'd say it falters; As a campy little sci-fi romp, however, it entertains well enough and provides all the excuse I need to run around shooting people with laser guns.
I don't expect Conduit to set the world on fire, but it's done a couple of things really, really well, and it doesn't fail enough in any particular area to rob itself of it's due and proper. I don't regret buying it, and I recommend at least renting it if you own a Wii and you like shooters. You'll finish the main story quickly enough, and if you like the MP, you can decide if you want to buy it.
If you're waiting for that Magnum Opus that single-handedly vindicates buying the system three Novembers ago, however, this probably isn't it. But Red Steel 2 and Metroid:OM might be.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Not a game review for once
So I've been watching a lot of Buffy and Angel episodes lately, and I've decided that I am a total Whedon fanboy.
I came to know of the works of Mr. Whedon in a sequence quite opposite to their release dates. First, I saw Serenity with my family- they all hated it, and I didn't know what was wrong with them. It was stylistic, unpredictable, and had some absolutely awesome dialogue. Years later, I was sitting on a friend's couch, and flipping through the pithy offerings of basic cable. After Comedy Central and Spike failed me, I went to my old standby, the network-formerly-known-as-SciFi. I wasn't entirely sure what this show I was watching was, but it really reminded me of this one movie I'd seen a couple years ago. I also liked it, quite a bit. Fast forward a little less than a year, and a friend informs me that in fact that show was Firefly, and that apparently the movie was a continuation of the story. Holy crap.
So I borrowed this friend's DVD collection, never to return it. I have watched that series at least half a dozen times by now. I love the way it had all these actors I'd never heard of, and yet each of them were so well-suited to the role (or vice-versa) that it quite simply was not ever apparent that I was watching people pretending to be other people. The dialogue was witty and impacting, and yet so casual. The word I'm looking for here is "flow." The characters flow seamlessly through their conversations and adventures, and it all just seems so naturally. I buy into it in a way I don't buy into most stories.
Dr. Horrible was... different. It didn't have the same kind of awesomeness Firefly had; it had a different kind of awesomeness. It was silly. It made me laugh, and I've seen that movie about as many times as I've seen Firefly.
And now, finally, I'm watching Buffy and Angel. Seasons 1-3 of the former and the first season of the latter are on Hulu, and now I'm watching the DVDs (thank you, Netflix) of Buffy season 4. Now I'm back to the Firefly kind of awesomeness, with that incredible way that the actors, again, seem to have been created for the sole purpose of playing these roles (or, again, vice versa) and they do it perfectly. I crane my head and go "d'awww" every time Willow pouts. I get moody and depressed every time the show reminds us that Angel will never be happy and exists only to suffer. The show is one of three movie/TV things that have ever actually brought a physical tear to my eye, the other two being Star Trek and the Futurama episode with Fry's dog.
In other words, I am enjoying the works of Joss Whedon to an irrational degree. It makes no sense that a television show makes me this happy. It's weird. But you know what, it's a happy kind of weird, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Also, as much as I'm enjoying Buffy, I can't see myself rewatching it half a dozen times like I did Firefly. That would take a really long time.
On a side note: Windows media player really sucks at playing those DVDs. It is utterly random whether I will be able to use the rewind or chapter back/forward functions, and it is utterly random whether Media Player decides to use its "oh, I remember where you were the last time you put this disk inside me!" feature. Also, it sometimes the video doesn't kick in during the first couple minutes. When that last glitch happens, the rewind decides it's not going to work, and media player decides to use that "remember your place" feature all a once, that means it is impossible to see the first couple minutes of an episode. I tried Media classic, but the picture gets all vertically shaky.
I came to know of the works of Mr. Whedon in a sequence quite opposite to their release dates. First, I saw Serenity with my family- they all hated it, and I didn't know what was wrong with them. It was stylistic, unpredictable, and had some absolutely awesome dialogue. Years later, I was sitting on a friend's couch, and flipping through the pithy offerings of basic cable. After Comedy Central and Spike failed me, I went to my old standby, the network-formerly-known-as-SciFi. I wasn't entirely sure what this show I was watching was, but it really reminded me of this one movie I'd seen a couple years ago. I also liked it, quite a bit. Fast forward a little less than a year, and a friend informs me that in fact that show was Firefly, and that apparently the movie was a continuation of the story. Holy crap.
So I borrowed this friend's DVD collection, never to return it. I have watched that series at least half a dozen times by now. I love the way it had all these actors I'd never heard of, and yet each of them were so well-suited to the role (or vice-versa) that it quite simply was not ever apparent that I was watching people pretending to be other people. The dialogue was witty and impacting, and yet so casual. The word I'm looking for here is "flow." The characters flow seamlessly through their conversations and adventures, and it all just seems so naturally. I buy into it in a way I don't buy into most stories.
Dr. Horrible was... different. It didn't have the same kind of awesomeness Firefly had; it had a different kind of awesomeness. It was silly. It made me laugh, and I've seen that movie about as many times as I've seen Firefly.
And now, finally, I'm watching Buffy and Angel. Seasons 1-3 of the former and the first season of the latter are on Hulu, and now I'm watching the DVDs (thank you, Netflix) of Buffy season 4. Now I'm back to the Firefly kind of awesomeness, with that incredible way that the actors, again, seem to have been created for the sole purpose of playing these roles (or, again, vice versa) and they do it perfectly. I crane my head and go "d'awww" every time Willow pouts. I get moody and depressed every time the show reminds us that Angel will never be happy and exists only to suffer. The show is one of three movie/TV things that have ever actually brought a physical tear to my eye, the other two being Star Trek and the Futurama episode with Fry's dog.
In other words, I am enjoying the works of Joss Whedon to an irrational degree. It makes no sense that a television show makes me this happy. It's weird. But you know what, it's a happy kind of weird, so I'm not going to worry about it.
Also, as much as I'm enjoying Buffy, I can't see myself rewatching it half a dozen times like I did Firefly. That would take a really long time.
On a side note: Windows media player really sucks at playing those DVDs. It is utterly random whether I will be able to use the rewind or chapter back/forward functions, and it is utterly random whether Media Player decides to use its "oh, I remember where you were the last time you put this disk inside me!" feature. Also, it sometimes the video doesn't kick in during the first couple minutes. When that last glitch happens, the rewind decides it's not going to work, and media player decides to use that "remember your place" feature all a once, that means it is impossible to see the first couple minutes of an episode. I tried Media classic, but the picture gets all vertically shaky.
Does this look Infected to You?
After a very brief (but nifty) opening cinema, I had control of my character. Within the first few minutes, I jumped twenty feet into the air, grew giant claws and skewered several soldiers, jumped into the air and ripped a helicopter in two, ran up a building, backflipped off the wall, flew down the road, and then I beat up a tank. The thing is, I was only trying to cross the street. I thought to myself, "if I ever figure out how to do all that stuff on purpose, I'll be having a lot of fun."
Prototype is a game lacking any restraint whatsoever. Within the first fifteen minutes, you are punching tanks and jump-kicking helicopters, and the situation only escalates. The game keeps a running tally of your performance, and after two days of gaming I have apparently wiped out approximately three battalions of marines. I mentioned in my Red Faction review that I found myself questioning if I might actually be the bad guy rather than the hero. I don't have the question here- it's quite clear that I am the bad guy. The military is thoroughly amoral in the execution of their duties, but at least they ostensibly are trying to do a good thing on the balance. In other words, the big evil military organization is willing to commit all kinds of atrocities and horrors so that, in the end, they can keep the nation on the whole safe. I am committing all kinds of atrocities and horrors because it's fun. Oh, and it is indeed fun.
The game's "protagonist," being a protagonist in that there is a problem he is presented with, and he mutilates said problem over the course of the story, is Alex Mercer. At the outset of our tale, Alex wakes up in a hospital with no memory of who he is or what's going on, and before he can figure it out a bunch of army guys show up and shoot him to death. It doesn't quite take, however, and Alex jumps back up, hurdles a 9 foot wall, and outruns them. He's apparently been infected with a supervirus that gives him all these crazy powers. Not terribly new, as plots go, but it's as good excuse for a murderous romp through Manhattan as I need.
The controls take a long time to master but once you are comfortable with them you will have a blast parkouring all over Manhattan The game features a movement system that resembles Assassin's Creed on crack. You can not only run faster than a car, but you can do it straight up a wall. Whenever you're running, you will automatically hurdle cars, debris, and other small obstructions. If you hit a large obstruction, like a building, you will turn 90 degrees and run straight up it. While running up a building, you will still be carried by momentum and can get thrown off course when you hit uneven terrain. It's awkward, but after a while you learn how to stop trying to bend the controls to your will, and let the game's parkour system handle a bit of the navigation. You basically have to stop trying to compensate for the game's movements, and let it play itself a little bit. It sounds weird, I know, but once you get the hang of it the system really is smooth and well-designed.
The combat system is nothing terribly new, but it is very polished and fun. Alex Mercer is able to mutate his arms into scythes, claws, tentacles, shields, giant hammers, and larger arms, and he uses all of these things to slaughter the good people of New York, the marines who try to protect them, and the infected monstrosities (himself excluded) that are trying to kill them. The enemy comes at you with tanks, infantry, and helicopters, and different approaches are required in different situations. Claws will shred the infantry in short order, but tanks require something heavier, like giant hammers. Helicopters are suckers for a good karate kick, when you're close enough, but until you develop the power to lasso them with a tentacle, a taxi-cab fastball brings them down right quick. As the game progresses, the military steps up their offensives and many new challenges come into play; it's all rather well paced, really.
The combat, movement, and open-world environment are the primary selling points here, but one other thing that simply must be mentioned is the consumption mechanic. When Alex grabs hold of a live victim, he can consume them; in addition to providing a health boost, this allows Alex to absorb their body and minds. Alex instantly gains access to all of their memories, and he can perfectly mimic their physical appearance and mannerisms. With the right disguise, you can infiltrate secure facilities, order artillery strikes, or even accuse another poor grunt of being the real monster, prompting the hapless leatherneck's comrades to gun him down. Another interesting use of the consumption mechanic is that you can absorb everything your victim ever knew or experienced. Eat a helicopter pilot, and you instantly know everything he did about operating one. Eat a base commander, and you can pass through voice and retinal scanners guarding the base. This allows Alex to reach certain areas undetected and acquire useful new skills.
It is through this mechanic that the game's storyline is unfurled. As I said before, it's your standard military viral cover-up, worthy of a sci-fi original. However, the method of telling is interesting. Scattered throughout the city are random New Yorkers who happen to have some tidbit of knowledge that will help you to dig deeper into the military cover-up behind the outbreak. When Alex gets near one, he will recognize him or her, which marks them for you. After you consume them, you are treated to a brief cinema that offers you just a small scrap of information; this may be a piece of a conversation overheard by a military escort, or a recalled conversation between two scientists about how the virus worked. Usually, the memory will feature another potential target, who can now also be found wandering the streets of New York. These targets aren't necessary to complete the game, but they will fill in gaps in the story and foreshadow certain events. It's an interesting storytelling method, and while not exactly epic in its presentation, it's something I haven't seen before and it works.
The bottom line: Prototype is just a nice cathartic murder-go-round, but it's an extremely polished and creative one. I had a blast with it.
Oh, and speaking of horrible flesh-eating viruses: I got my tests back without any unpleasant surprises. Happiness!
Prototype is a game lacking any restraint whatsoever. Within the first fifteen minutes, you are punching tanks and jump-kicking helicopters, and the situation only escalates. The game keeps a running tally of your performance, and after two days of gaming I have apparently wiped out approximately three battalions of marines. I mentioned in my Red Faction review that I found myself questioning if I might actually be the bad guy rather than the hero. I don't have the question here- it's quite clear that I am the bad guy. The military is thoroughly amoral in the execution of their duties, but at least they ostensibly are trying to do a good thing on the balance. In other words, the big evil military organization is willing to commit all kinds of atrocities and horrors so that, in the end, they can keep the nation on the whole safe. I am committing all kinds of atrocities and horrors because it's fun. Oh, and it is indeed fun.
The game's "protagonist," being a protagonist in that there is a problem he is presented with, and he mutilates said problem over the course of the story, is Alex Mercer. At the outset of our tale, Alex wakes up in a hospital with no memory of who he is or what's going on, and before he can figure it out a bunch of army guys show up and shoot him to death. It doesn't quite take, however, and Alex jumps back up, hurdles a 9 foot wall, and outruns them. He's apparently been infected with a supervirus that gives him all these crazy powers. Not terribly new, as plots go, but it's as good excuse for a murderous romp through Manhattan as I need.
The controls take a long time to master but once you are comfortable with them you will have a blast parkouring all over Manhattan The game features a movement system that resembles Assassin's Creed on crack. You can not only run faster than a car, but you can do it straight up a wall. Whenever you're running, you will automatically hurdle cars, debris, and other small obstructions. If you hit a large obstruction, like a building, you will turn 90 degrees and run straight up it. While running up a building, you will still be carried by momentum and can get thrown off course when you hit uneven terrain. It's awkward, but after a while you learn how to stop trying to bend the controls to your will, and let the game's parkour system handle a bit of the navigation. You basically have to stop trying to compensate for the game's movements, and let it play itself a little bit. It sounds weird, I know, but once you get the hang of it the system really is smooth and well-designed.
The combat system is nothing terribly new, but it is very polished and fun. Alex Mercer is able to mutate his arms into scythes, claws, tentacles, shields, giant hammers, and larger arms, and he uses all of these things to slaughter the good people of New York, the marines who try to protect them, and the infected monstrosities (himself excluded) that are trying to kill them. The enemy comes at you with tanks, infantry, and helicopters, and different approaches are required in different situations. Claws will shred the infantry in short order, but tanks require something heavier, like giant hammers. Helicopters are suckers for a good karate kick, when you're close enough, but until you develop the power to lasso them with a tentacle, a taxi-cab fastball brings them down right quick. As the game progresses, the military steps up their offensives and many new challenges come into play; it's all rather well paced, really.
The combat, movement, and open-world environment are the primary selling points here, but one other thing that simply must be mentioned is the consumption mechanic. When Alex grabs hold of a live victim, he can consume them; in addition to providing a health boost, this allows Alex to absorb their body and minds. Alex instantly gains access to all of their memories, and he can perfectly mimic their physical appearance and mannerisms. With the right disguise, you can infiltrate secure facilities, order artillery strikes, or even accuse another poor grunt of being the real monster, prompting the hapless leatherneck's comrades to gun him down. Another interesting use of the consumption mechanic is that you can absorb everything your victim ever knew or experienced. Eat a helicopter pilot, and you instantly know everything he did about operating one. Eat a base commander, and you can pass through voice and retinal scanners guarding the base. This allows Alex to reach certain areas undetected and acquire useful new skills.
It is through this mechanic that the game's storyline is unfurled. As I said before, it's your standard military viral cover-up, worthy of a sci-fi original. However, the method of telling is interesting. Scattered throughout the city are random New Yorkers who happen to have some tidbit of knowledge that will help you to dig deeper into the military cover-up behind the outbreak. When Alex gets near one, he will recognize him or her, which marks them for you. After you consume them, you are treated to a brief cinema that offers you just a small scrap of information; this may be a piece of a conversation overheard by a military escort, or a recalled conversation between two scientists about how the virus worked. Usually, the memory will feature another potential target, who can now also be found wandering the streets of New York. These targets aren't necessary to complete the game, but they will fill in gaps in the story and foreshadow certain events. It's an interesting storytelling method, and while not exactly epic in its presentation, it's something I haven't seen before and it works.
The bottom line: Prototype is just a nice cathartic murder-go-round, but it's an extremely polished and creative one. I had a blast with it.
Oh, and speaking of horrible flesh-eating viruses: I got my tests back without any unpleasant surprises. Happiness!
Friday, June 19, 2009
I am a Consumer Whore
I have been convinced.
I now have to finish Tales of Symphonia 2, Conduit, Prototype, Penumbra, and Rainbow Six: Vegas (I believe I am on the final level in that one). Why would I drop another 50 bucks on a game that I don't even have time to play? I am a strange, irrational person.
I now have to finish Tales of Symphonia 2, Conduit, Prototype, Penumbra, and Rainbow Six: Vegas (I believe I am on the final level in that one). Why would I drop another 50 bucks on a game that I don't even have time to play? I am a strange, irrational person.
Heal Thyself, Physician!
Somebody needs to give Jessica Terry an award. Free medical care would do nicely. This girl has suffered for years from very painful stomach cramps that could often bring her to her knees, and doctor after doctor failed to come up with a prognosis.
Then, she figured it out. In her high school science class! She slid a sample of her own intestinal tissue (which a pathologist had assured her contained no irregularities) under a microscope, "and spotted an area of inflamed tissue called a granuloma, a clear indication that she had Crohn's disease."
This is evolution at its absolute finest.
Then, she figured it out. In her high school science class! She slid a sample of her own intestinal tissue (which a pathologist had assured her contained no irregularities) under a microscope, "and spotted an area of inflamed tissue called a granuloma, a clear indication that she had Crohn's disease."
This is evolution at its absolute finest.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
You do NOT want to read this post. Seriously. I warned you...
So I got tested for Syphilis today. And Ghonorreah, and HIV, and Chlamydia. I figure it's one of those things I should've been doing semi-annually for a while now, so yeah.
Do you know how they test your for Syphilis? It's really fun. The nurse has you disrobe, and sticks a cotton swab up your urethra. It feels... excruciating. It feels like somebody is stabbing you on the inside of the penis. I had the option of doing a urinary test, but it costs $38, and the swab costs $9. I think I would pay $20 not to experience that in the future, so I guess on the balance, I don't quite regret my decision. But yeah. Ow.
[EDIT:] Apparently, syphilis is such a dangerous disease that just getting tested makes it burn when you pee.
In non-penile news, Conduit comes out in a few days. I'll be spending this weekend trying to get ahead in my classes so that I have time to play the bejeesus out of it. I hope to have a review up before Friday, so all you Wii owning readers (that's right, both of you) who will probably have already played it can see what I think.
Also, my Red Faction review, posted previously, is now viewableon www.gamefaqs.com It seems they'll let anyone write for them. Go me.
[UPDATE] None of those tests came back positive.
Do you know how they test your for Syphilis? It's really fun. The nurse has you disrobe, and sticks a cotton swab up your urethra. It feels... excruciating. It feels like somebody is stabbing you on the inside of the penis. I had the option of doing a urinary test, but it costs $38, and the swab costs $9. I think I would pay $20 not to experience that in the future, so I guess on the balance, I don't quite regret my decision. But yeah. Ow.
[EDIT:] Apparently, syphilis is such a dangerous disease that just getting tested makes it burn when you pee.
In non-penile news, Conduit comes out in a few days. I'll be spending this weekend trying to get ahead in my classes so that I have time to play the bejeesus out of it. I hope to have a review up before Friday, so all you Wii owning readers (that's right, both of you) who will probably have already played it can see what I think.
Also, my Red Faction review, posted previously, is now viewableon www.gamefaqs.com It seems they'll let anyone write for them. Go me.
[UPDATE] None of those tests came back positive.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I'm not sure now is the best policital climate for this...
I was going to wait for the end of the game before I did this review, but I think I've seen enough at this point. Anything else I might learn would just be a spoiler at this point anyway. The verdict: Red Faction is a flawed masterpiece.
I'll eventually get to the major points, but first I'd like to talk about some of the little things. The fact that the colonists on Mars don't have a common language, and speak various languages including German, French, and Japanese. The way certain kinds of chemical explosions will emit different colored flames because of what's combusting. The news broadcasts and NPC conversations that are sensitive to whatever you've recently been doing. The way that enemy NPCs will switch up their combat banter depending on what you're shooting them with. It's little, but it adds a lot of flavor. But then there's the other little things. Like the way allies will crowd around your car, simultaneously making your whole group an easy target and cutting off your ability to maneuver without killing them. The fact that the enemies automatically forget you exist whenever you cross the line into your "secret" base, which the enemy never finds despite it being right out in the open half the time. The collectible easter eggs that are hidden on top of craggy mountains that are just all kinds of frustrating to get on top of. None of these things really ruin the game for me, but they are still annoying.
Now, onto the gameplay: Imagine GTA 4 had a fully destructible environment, employed the Gears of War aiming mechanic, then you'd have the basics idea. Then throw in a fundamentally different environment, as Mars is not a sprawling metropolis but rather a sparsely populated colonial world, with small settlements and buildings here and there, and add a very diverse set of weapons. There's your standard pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, and rocket launcher, of course, but then there's a wide selection of much more interesting weapons made from improvised mining tools, all of which are upgradeable in some fashion. One of my favorites was a cannon that fires sawblades, which explode on contact after an upgrade. Another gun fires a sith-like burst of electricity, which can fry people even if they're inside cars. As a bonus, it leaves the vehicle untouched, which allows you to steal it- nothing turns the tables faster than using this trick on a tank.
The game's destruction engine falls just a bit short of perfect, but as the very first implementation of something on this level, I must say I'm impressed. It is quite functional in terms of both gameplay and visuals, and it's a LOT of fun. After playing the demo, I predicted before that I would eventually get tired of watching buildings fall down, but I also predicted it would take a long time before that happened. While I still imagine this is true, I haven't gotten tired of blowing things up yet.
Sledgehammer. Remote charges. Missile launchers. That metal-eating cloud from the GI Joe Trailer. Black freaking holes. There are just so many different ways to make these gigantic buildings fall down, I have yet to even come close to tiring of it. From time to time, the quirky physics engine will allow a three story building to keep standing with only one little pillar holding it up, but for the most part buildings crack, crumble, and topple in a surprisingly realistic fashion.
While pleasantly conducive to large-scale destruction, some of the physics of Red Faction are quite simply outlandish. Your default melee weapon claims to be a humble sledgehammer, but for the kind of damage it causes I must conclude that it is secretly the hammer of Thor. Concrete walls and heavy support beams crumple under its might, often in a single blow. I've also noticed, once in a while, some weird physics like my car being launched thirty feet in the air because I hit a stop sign at the wrong angle, but it only happens rarely and it's usually more entertaining than annoying. Another thing: your character can survive a ridiculous amount of fire, explosions, car crashes, and bullets before dying, and this amount will be doubled at least twice through armor upgrades; and a good thing, too, as approximately 75% of the Martian population consists of heavily armed military police who are staunchly opposed to the notion of you and Mjolnir breaking all their houses.
Seriously, though. It seems that for every one common man on Mars, there are at least three trained police officers oppressing them. I'm all for stomping an Orwellian regime in outer space, but I can't see how this could be cost effective. It may be a nit, but I'm picking it anyway.
Rather surprisingly, I am finding the story to be one of the most interesting aspects of the game. The opening scene seems like a GTA4 rewrite at first, but things quickly take a turn for the original and you find yourself basically working for a terrorist organization. No, really, you're a guerilla fighter. You tactics consist of bombing buildings, taking out convoys with roadside bombs, destroying large buildings or troop placements with car bombs, and occasionally making use of a suicide bomber. When fighting the police, a voice on a loudspeaker orders you to surrender, and reminds you that you are endangering civilians, which you usually are. Now the government you're rebelling against is clearly shown to be unequivocally evil, but around the time I was torturing and murdering prisoners of war, I began to question whether the Red Faction is any better.
The impression I get, however, is that this isn't all just for shock value. I think the writers were genuinely trying to beg some ethical questions. The game portrays a situation where terrorist tactics are the only realistic recourse. The only way to win is to fight ruthless violence with ruthless violence. I see the questionable acts that I'm performing, and I think "I shouldn't be doing this." But then I try to think of what I should be doing instead, and I'm not seeing a lot of options. It's like one group of people came up with a series of unconscionable actions, and then they said "now let's try and imagine a situation where this would be conscionable." It is up to the player to decide whether that really is conscionable or not, but I find the ethical quandary was interesting regardless. I have a BA in Philosophy, though, so maybe I'm just reading too much into things.
Personally, I'm glad I bought this game. It's definitely long enough to warrant a buy, and unless Valve surprises us with an early release of HL3 and then surprises us further by including destructible environments, I think it will be a long time before other companies catch up with this kind of mechanic. If you still like to hop into GTA and blow some things up, then you'll probably still be messing around with RF:G long after you get tired of whatever game you get next Christmas.
One afterthought: The demo that was released a month back showcased a good portion of the game's features. If you thought that was lame, you can skip this one. If you don't have an Xbox, you might borrow a friend's to see if you like it, since it will be out on PC in a couple months.
EDIT three final points, now that the game is over. You eventually get a jetpack, The level design was really good, and dear Christ, did I just murder a lot of people that were only doing their jobs.
I'll eventually get to the major points, but first I'd like to talk about some of the little things. The fact that the colonists on Mars don't have a common language, and speak various languages including German, French, and Japanese. The way certain kinds of chemical explosions will emit different colored flames because of what's combusting. The news broadcasts and NPC conversations that are sensitive to whatever you've recently been doing. The way that enemy NPCs will switch up their combat banter depending on what you're shooting them with. It's little, but it adds a lot of flavor. But then there's the other little things. Like the way allies will crowd around your car, simultaneously making your whole group an easy target and cutting off your ability to maneuver without killing them. The fact that the enemies automatically forget you exist whenever you cross the line into your "secret" base, which the enemy never finds despite it being right out in the open half the time. The collectible easter eggs that are hidden on top of craggy mountains that are just all kinds of frustrating to get on top of. None of these things really ruin the game for me, but they are still annoying.
Now, onto the gameplay: Imagine GTA 4 had a fully destructible environment, employed the Gears of War aiming mechanic, then you'd have the basics idea. Then throw in a fundamentally different environment, as Mars is not a sprawling metropolis but rather a sparsely populated colonial world, with small settlements and buildings here and there, and add a very diverse set of weapons. There's your standard pistol, assault rifle, shotgun, and rocket launcher, of course, but then there's a wide selection of much more interesting weapons made from improvised mining tools, all of which are upgradeable in some fashion. One of my favorites was a cannon that fires sawblades, which explode on contact after an upgrade. Another gun fires a sith-like burst of electricity, which can fry people even if they're inside cars. As a bonus, it leaves the vehicle untouched, which allows you to steal it- nothing turns the tables faster than using this trick on a tank.
The game's destruction engine falls just a bit short of perfect, but as the very first implementation of something on this level, I must say I'm impressed. It is quite functional in terms of both gameplay and visuals, and it's a LOT of fun. After playing the demo, I predicted before that I would eventually get tired of watching buildings fall down, but I also predicted it would take a long time before that happened. While I still imagine this is true, I haven't gotten tired of blowing things up yet.
Sledgehammer. Remote charges. Missile launchers. That metal-eating cloud from the GI Joe Trailer. Black freaking holes. There are just so many different ways to make these gigantic buildings fall down, I have yet to even come close to tiring of it. From time to time, the quirky physics engine will allow a three story building to keep standing with only one little pillar holding it up, but for the most part buildings crack, crumble, and topple in a surprisingly realistic fashion.
While pleasantly conducive to large-scale destruction, some of the physics of Red Faction are quite simply outlandish. Your default melee weapon claims to be a humble sledgehammer, but for the kind of damage it causes I must conclude that it is secretly the hammer of Thor. Concrete walls and heavy support beams crumple under its might, often in a single blow. I've also noticed, once in a while, some weird physics like my car being launched thirty feet in the air because I hit a stop sign at the wrong angle, but it only happens rarely and it's usually more entertaining than annoying. Another thing: your character can survive a ridiculous amount of fire, explosions, car crashes, and bullets before dying, and this amount will be doubled at least twice through armor upgrades; and a good thing, too, as approximately 75% of the Martian population consists of heavily armed military police who are staunchly opposed to the notion of you and Mjolnir breaking all their houses.
Seriously, though. It seems that for every one common man on Mars, there are at least three trained police officers oppressing them. I'm all for stomping an Orwellian regime in outer space, but I can't see how this could be cost effective. It may be a nit, but I'm picking it anyway.
Rather surprisingly, I am finding the story to be one of the most interesting aspects of the game. The opening scene seems like a GTA4 rewrite at first, but things quickly take a turn for the original and you find yourself basically working for a terrorist organization. No, really, you're a guerilla fighter. You tactics consist of bombing buildings, taking out convoys with roadside bombs, destroying large buildings or troop placements with car bombs, and occasionally making use of a suicide bomber. When fighting the police, a voice on a loudspeaker orders you to surrender, and reminds you that you are endangering civilians, which you usually are. Now the government you're rebelling against is clearly shown to be unequivocally evil, but around the time I was torturing and murdering prisoners of war, I began to question whether the Red Faction is any better.
The impression I get, however, is that this isn't all just for shock value. I think the writers were genuinely trying to beg some ethical questions. The game portrays a situation where terrorist tactics are the only realistic recourse. The only way to win is to fight ruthless violence with ruthless violence. I see the questionable acts that I'm performing, and I think "I shouldn't be doing this." But then I try to think of what I should be doing instead, and I'm not seeing a lot of options. It's like one group of people came up with a series of unconscionable actions, and then they said "now let's try and imagine a situation where this would be conscionable." It is up to the player to decide whether that really is conscionable or not, but I find the ethical quandary was interesting regardless. I have a BA in Philosophy, though, so maybe I'm just reading too much into things.
Personally, I'm glad I bought this game. It's definitely long enough to warrant a buy, and unless Valve surprises us with an early release of HL3 and then surprises us further by including destructible environments, I think it will be a long time before other companies catch up with this kind of mechanic. If you still like to hop into GTA and blow some things up, then you'll probably still be messing around with RF:G long after you get tired of whatever game you get next Christmas.
One afterthought: The demo that was released a month back showcased a good portion of the game's features. If you thought that was lame, you can skip this one. If you don't have an Xbox, you might borrow a friend's to see if you like it, since it will be out on PC in a couple months.
EDIT three final points, now that the game is over. You eventually get a jetpack, The level design was really good, and dear Christ, did I just murder a lot of people that were only doing their jobs.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
"Totally Not Gay" Six: Las Vegas
I have a certain appreciation for games that came out a long time ago. For one thing, if they came out more than two years ago and I'm still hearing about them, they probably did something right. For a second, perhaps more important thing, they're usually pretty damned cheap. I picked up Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Las Vegas on Ebay for a grand total of six dollars after shipping, and this has easily been worth that measly investment.
The first thing I will say is that the game is a first person shooter. The second thing I will say is that this game is so different from your typical first-person shooter that I think you can legitimately call it a separate genre. The Rainbow Six series has been around since well before the Half Life days, little has changed, and it's still good. There have been a small handful of games that fall into the same style, but for the most part, Rainbow Six is a genre unto itself.
I could (and eventually will) explain what makes this game different by describing it, but I think to give you a proper idea, I'm first going to compare it to a game you have almost certainly played through at least once: Half Life. In Half Life, you are a person who, through the all-powerful magic of contrivance, has obtained impossible degrees of power and resilience. You can shrug off wounds that would kill ordinary men, to the point where even a grenade to the face is a survivable occurrence; although for dignity's sake you normally F7 at that point. With your massive arsenal, you basically comprise a one-man army, taking on marines and monsters alike, culminating in a climactic battle against a monster several dozen times your size.
In Rainbow Six, you are a member of one of the most well-trained, well-equipped tactical assault teams on the planet. Despite this, you are neither trained nor equipped, to take a shotgun blast to the face and live to brag about it after eating a couple medkits. Thanks to the latest in body armor technology, you are capable of taking a couple (read: two) bullets, provided don't strike any vital organs. In Half Life, the skills that will lead to your survival are quick thinking, accuracy, and a calm hear and steady trigger finger. You must be able to shoot your enemy quickly, take shelter where it's available, and make use of the terrain. Rainbow Six demands those things of you, but rather than making them the way of surviving, they are merely skills that you must have in order to implement a successful strategy. In other words, the reflexes that carry you through the normal FPS are necessary, but ultimately insufficient to get you through this one.
Simply put, you are constantly up against an enemy that has more guns and more hitpoints than you, and to survive you have to be faster and smarter. You have to be thinking about where you are in relation to your opponent, and how you outmaneuver the opponent. A classic example is a standard flank, where either you or your squadmates keep firing on an enemy position, whilst the other moves to a position where they can safely fire on the enemy. If the enemy comes out of cover to shoot you while you advance, your squad guns him down. If no, you reach a position where you can shoot the enemy and he can't shoot you. This is the basic strategy, but it is executed in myriad ways throughout the single-player campaign. The level designers do a really nice job of forcing you to employ these tactics, while at the same time giving you a few different options as to how you proceed. Ultimately, the game revolves around the notion of scouting the enemy's position, formulating an attack plan, and then following through on that plan, adjusting it on the fly as necessary.
The fact that bullets do realistic damage can frequently make the game an exercise in controller-snapping frustration, as if you make even a small error, like not noticing a terrorist hiding behind a crate before you start to move forward, you can find yourself booted back to your last checkpoint before you even realize you've screwed up. It only takes one well-placed shot to kill you. If you are scarcely clipped in the shoulder or leg, your vision becomes heavily blurred for about 15 seconds, after which you will heal. If you take a round in the torso, or two rounds in the leg (three will probably kill you), your vision gets very heavily blurred and fades to a dark black, effectively blinding you. This lasts for nearly thirty seconds, and you are almost always going to die at this point, unless you are able to blindly stumble out of harm's way. Having a good sense of your environment and well-positioned teammates can often make the difference between life or death in these situations.
Speaking of teammates, you are perpetually accompanied by two other nameless (well, they have names, I guess) special forces badasses, who are surprisingly good at their jobs. Sometimes they make you feel a bit inadequate, as they can often managed to clear a room that I couldn't get two feet in without having my highly trained ass blown off. They follow your orders to the letter, which you will find frequently gets them killed. When correctly managed, however, they are extremely efficient. Whether they're covering your flank while you snipe, or charging into a room while you sneak in through another door and get behind the enemies, these dudes are perhaps the best AI support mechanic I've ever seen. And unlike Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead, their usefulness does not hinge primarily on contrived sequences where a partner has to help you out.
The difficulty curve is quite steep, and the gameplay is only going to appeal to certain people; it's a genre unto itself, but a it's a very narrow genre. Give it a go if you find it for under $10, but if you uninstall in frustration after being unable to beat the first level, don't feel bad.
The first thing I will say is that the game is a first person shooter. The second thing I will say is that this game is so different from your typical first-person shooter that I think you can legitimately call it a separate genre. The Rainbow Six series has been around since well before the Half Life days, little has changed, and it's still good. There have been a small handful of games that fall into the same style, but for the most part, Rainbow Six is a genre unto itself.
I could (and eventually will) explain what makes this game different by describing it, but I think to give you a proper idea, I'm first going to compare it to a game you have almost certainly played through at least once: Half Life. In Half Life, you are a person who, through the all-powerful magic of contrivance, has obtained impossible degrees of power and resilience. You can shrug off wounds that would kill ordinary men, to the point where even a grenade to the face is a survivable occurrence; although for dignity's sake you normally F7 at that point. With your massive arsenal, you basically comprise a one-man army, taking on marines and monsters alike, culminating in a climactic battle against a monster several dozen times your size.
In Rainbow Six, you are a member of one of the most well-trained, well-equipped tactical assault teams on the planet. Despite this, you are neither trained nor equipped, to take a shotgun blast to the face and live to brag about it after eating a couple medkits. Thanks to the latest in body armor technology, you are capable of taking a couple (read: two) bullets, provided don't strike any vital organs. In Half Life, the skills that will lead to your survival are quick thinking, accuracy, and a calm hear and steady trigger finger. You must be able to shoot your enemy quickly, take shelter where it's available, and make use of the terrain. Rainbow Six demands those things of you, but rather than making them the way of surviving, they are merely skills that you must have in order to implement a successful strategy. In other words, the reflexes that carry you through the normal FPS are necessary, but ultimately insufficient to get you through this one.
Simply put, you are constantly up against an enemy that has more guns and more hitpoints than you, and to survive you have to be faster and smarter. You have to be thinking about where you are in relation to your opponent, and how you outmaneuver the opponent. A classic example is a standard flank, where either you or your squadmates keep firing on an enemy position, whilst the other moves to a position where they can safely fire on the enemy. If the enemy comes out of cover to shoot you while you advance, your squad guns him down. If no, you reach a position where you can shoot the enemy and he can't shoot you. This is the basic strategy, but it is executed in myriad ways throughout the single-player campaign. The level designers do a really nice job of forcing you to employ these tactics, while at the same time giving you a few different options as to how you proceed. Ultimately, the game revolves around the notion of scouting the enemy's position, formulating an attack plan, and then following through on that plan, adjusting it on the fly as necessary.
The fact that bullets do realistic damage can frequently make the game an exercise in controller-snapping frustration, as if you make even a small error, like not noticing a terrorist hiding behind a crate before you start to move forward, you can find yourself booted back to your last checkpoint before you even realize you've screwed up. It only takes one well-placed shot to kill you. If you are scarcely clipped in the shoulder or leg, your vision becomes heavily blurred for about 15 seconds, after which you will heal. If you take a round in the torso, or two rounds in the leg (three will probably kill you), your vision gets very heavily blurred and fades to a dark black, effectively blinding you. This lasts for nearly thirty seconds, and you are almost always going to die at this point, unless you are able to blindly stumble out of harm's way. Having a good sense of your environment and well-positioned teammates can often make the difference between life or death in these situations.
Speaking of teammates, you are perpetually accompanied by two other nameless (well, they have names, I guess) special forces badasses, who are surprisingly good at their jobs. Sometimes they make you feel a bit inadequate, as they can often managed to clear a room that I couldn't get two feet in without having my highly trained ass blown off. They follow your orders to the letter, which you will find frequently gets them killed. When correctly managed, however, they are extremely efficient. Whether they're covering your flank while you snipe, or charging into a room while you sneak in through another door and get behind the enemies, these dudes are perhaps the best AI support mechanic I've ever seen. And unlike Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead, their usefulness does not hinge primarily on contrived sequences where a partner has to help you out.
The difficulty curve is quite steep, and the gameplay is only going to appeal to certain people; it's a genre unto itself, but a it's a very narrow genre. Give it a go if you find it for under $10, but if you uninstall in frustration after being unable to beat the first level, don't feel bad.
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